Before the Internet
Year: 1982
You get home late.
Your twelve year old twins are starving.
You’re too tired to even think about cooking.
You wanna order pizza.
You can’t recall the number to Pizza Hut.
You look for the phone book.
It’s nowhere in sight.
You remember: the neighbor—Anna—borrowed your yellow phone book.
Ellie, go ask Anna for the yellow phone book.
Ellie returns with the yellow phone book in hand.
You thumb through for Pizza Hut.
You dial the number.
It’s the wrong number.
You check the number and dial once more.
This is Pizza Hut.
How can I help you?
You order two large cheese pizzas.
You’re thankful and can’t
Imagine anything better than a yellow phonebook.
Year: 1984
Your parents left you and your sister alone—for their date night.
You two planned to watch three movies on the VCR.
You picked Do The Right Thing.
Your sister stopped chewing her gum,
Blew a bubble and said I’m picking Parting Glances.
You inwardly smile at the idea of watching
Two men kiss.
For the last movie you wanted She’s Gotta Have It.
Your sister said I have The Breakfast Club.
You two played Rock Paper Scissors.
You two left Blockbuster with
Do The Right Thing,
Parting Glances—and The Breakfast Club.
That night there was a lightning storm.
The electricity left you two in the dark—with no movies to watch.
You talked and played board games under the candles.
Year: 1986
You and a friend agreed to meet at the Boulevard Valley Mall.
Your friend waited in the mall by the fountain—as you two had agreed.
Time elapsed: thirty minutes.
You friend discovered a phone booth—the phone didn’t work.
Your friend went back to the fountain.
But now there was a crowd—a line of people and a DeLorean.
Michael J. Fox in the flesh at the Boulevard Valley Mall—signing autographs.
Your friend waits in line to meet Michael J Fox.
Your friend wants to tell you to get your ass here.
Your friend’s turn to sit in the DeLorean with Michael J. Fox
Fastly approaches.
There are two people ahead of your friend.
Your friend wants to go back in time, plead with you to
Promise to show up—on time.
You friend’s turn to sit in the DeLorean is next.
Your friend wants to share this experience with you.
Your friend wishes there was a photographer taking pictures.
Your friend would pay $100.00 to prove this happened.
Michael J Fox says no photographers.
Universal studios wouldn’t spring for photographers.
Michael J Fox says personal cameras are allowed,
That the photo opportunity with him
And the DeLorean was advertised in the newspaper and television.
Your friend inwardly longs for another way of getting news other than
The newspaper and the television.
With a fake smile, your friend opens the door of the DeLorean.
1988:
You’re on a family road-trip with
Your sister, mom, Aunt Helen, grandma—and Dusty, your dog.
Grandma controls the radio.
You listen to Bob Dylan, Stevie Wonder,
Ray Charles, Aretha Franklin
And The Rolling Stones—And
Inside there is A Beast of Burden
Gnawing at you;
You can’t listen to Super-Bowl XXII.
You’d kill for a way to be able to
Hear what quarter the game is in—which half?
Are your Denver Broncos winning?
You need a distraction.
You need to change your mental channel.
You intentionally ask Aunt Helen
About serving as a nurse in Vietnam.
She talks your ear off.
But you’re actually intrigued—especially by
How super glue was used to control bleeding
Until a soldier could get medical attention.
You reach the Hotel in Portland.
Your sister, mom, grandma and Aunt Helen
Go out for dinner—G.D. Ritzy’s.
You stay at the hotel with Dusty.
You figure the game is over.
But you have to see the score.
You knob the TV on.
You see the final score:
Washington 42, Denver 10.
Defeated, you go to the restaurant and
Ask Aunt Helen to
Tell you more stories.
Year: 1990
You and your friend argue over
Losing My Religion by REM.
You: He says Let’s Pee in the Corner.
Let’s Pee in the Spotlight.
Friend: Why would he say they
Should pee in front of people?
You: I don’t know.
Their friends are voyeurs.
Friend: Laughs.
He says “That’s me in the Corner.
That’s me in the spotlight.”
You: No. He’s saying
Let’s Pee in the Corner. Let’s Pee in the Spotlight.
The meaning of what he’s saying is
people should be bold, take a chance—do what the want when they want.
Friend: That’s deep!
You : I’ll bet you $50.00 he’s says
Let’s pee in the corner,
Let’s pee in the spotlight.
Your friend: You’re on.
You and your friend eventually change conversations,
Not knowing how you’ll ever
Learn the lyrics of the song.
Sometime after 1992:
the invention of The World Wide Web
Provides your friend with evidence.
You pay your friend $50.00.